Anyone can find themselves in need of food assistance. It happened to me.

Anyone can find themselves in need of food assistance. (Photo by Jim Obradovich for Iowa Capital Dispatch)

Whatever the unfortunate topic, people think, “Oh, that will never happen to me.” Maybe they believe it, or maybe they are just putting it out into the universe hoping the proclamation will protect them. Either way, I am here to tell you that it absolutely can happen to you — just like it did to me.

First off, let me say that this story is not typical of what I write here. However, it is about life in the Midwest, or anywhere for that matter. I also want to say that I struggled a lot with deciding to put it out here. Vulnerability is a hard thing. You leave yourself open to criticism, judgment, pity, bullying, and all kinds of things we don’t want to deal with. Telling the story is hard enough, who wants to deal with that kind of backlash on top of it? BUT — I decided this story is important, and now is the time to tell it. And please know: If you find yourself anywhere in this story, you are not alone.

So I am going to tell you how I found myself in need of food assistance. Did I EVER think that would happen to me? Certainly not. I was raised in a middle-class family that really never wanted for anything. We weren’t rich by any means, but we did OK. As life went on, I attended a good high school, went to business school, got a job, and found myself in a very short “practice” marriage. After having practiced long enough to figure out that was not the real deal, I later had another marriage that I imagined would be the last one. But, not so fast. After 12 years, I knew it was time to make a change. That I needed to make a change.

So with two small daughters, I found myself on my own. And I was more on my own than I ever imagined. Once the exceedingly long divorce ordeal finally ended, I found myself with nothing. Nothing. Somehow everything I had owned and all my money — every bit of it — had mysteriously been signed over to someone in my ex-husband’s family. “Devastated” does not even begin to explain how I felt. “Panicked” might be the word I want. What was I going to do?

Well, I had a pretty good job, but I knew I needed more, so I quickly found two others: Working part-time at the local Barnes and Noble bookstore and baking cookies for a coffee kiosk in the downtown skywalks. All the while trying to spend time with the girls. A trick for sure. But then it got even trickier, as my ex-husband managed to take over half of my income. With my house in foreclosure, and my hard-earned money going to someone else, I had to do something. I am telling you the truth when I say that some days, I did not have one dime to my name. Literally.

Through my bank, I was connected to an amazing person employed by the federal government who could help me with the house issue. She managed to get a low-interest second mortgage for me (that didn’t have to be paid back until I sold the house) that would take me out of foreclosure and allow me to get back to making regular house payments. That was a huge load off my mind — and checkbook — but I still had NO money.

Most of the time, I had to choose between driving somewhere and using precious gas, paying for a school activity, or buying food. Every single month I had to go down to the Waterworks office to pay my late bill in cash in order to keep the water on. Trying to be helpful, the woman who assisted me with the mortgage encouraged me to file for food stamps. But I just did not want to do that. What self-respecting member of society does that? Not me. That doesn’t happen to me.

Well, it did happen to me. Finally, armed with all my paperwork, including paystubs and tax documents that showed how much of my income did NOT come into my home, I gathered up all I had within myself and headed downtown to get food assistance. But — joke on me — at that time your eligibility was determined by your gross income. Not the net that you actually brought home. I’m not sure what the requirements are now, but according to the Iowa Department of Health and Human Services website, one must now meet both gross and net requirements.

So it turned out that, of course, between my three jobs, I made “too much money” to be considered for food stamps. I could not believe that no one considered how many dollars actually came through one’s door. The actual money available. Having been courageous enough to even try to get food assistance, the woman helping me saw how disappointed I was with the news I had received.

So she said, “Well, you can always get food from a food pantry.” And, truth here, I laughed out loud and replied, “No matter how much I don’t have, I always put something in the food pantry barrel at my grocery store.” And I left to go home to try to figure it all out. Again.

And somehow, I managed without ever visiting a food pantry. I’m not sure how, but I did. I just couldn’t make myself go even though I knew there was no shame in that. None. But I feel that people seem to think it’s an admission of failure, when really, it’s just accepting needed help. And we all need help now and again. In the end, what kept me from going was that I knew it would add one more notch to the I’m-going-to-take-her-down belt of my ex-husband.

But going down was not an option for me and I did make it. I kept the house until I was ready to sell it and — literally –move on. The girls graduated from high school and attended college, and I eventually had all my money coming home with me again. I had finally reached that seemingly elusive point where I could look back and say, “That was horrible.”

Fast-forward to today. Now. As I sit here remembering that time in my life, I am lucky enough to not have to worry about food. At least not right now. But who knows? So for many years I have made it a point to send an automatic monthly monetary donation to DMARC. As their website states “The DMARC Food Pantry Network consists of 14 individual partner pantries, multiple mobile food pantry sites, and a home delivery service. DMARC provides a guaranteed supply of food to our partner pantries, free of charge, and operates a centralized intake database.” I also deliver a box of food I’ve purchased to the West Des Moines Human Services folks every couple of weeks.

Food insecurity is a crisis in our country, and even more so right now. But for any one individual it might be a crisis on any given day. I know. I’ve been there. So of course I’m donating right now, but I’ve made those two donations mentioned above for many years and will continue to do so for as long as I am able. Because you never know when, through no fault of your own, it might happen to you.