Questions about love, sex or relationships can be submitted to dearkiki@littlevillagemag.com, or anonymously using this form. Questions may be edited for clarity and length, and may appear either in print or online.
Dear Kiki,
I love the idea of adventurous sex with strangers or near-strangers. Anonymous hookup type stuff. On the other hand, I’m afraid I’ll end up with a nasty STD. How do I find a balance and stay safe while exploring the wild side?
Romp on the Wild Side
Dear Wild Side,
Anonymity is a blast! But whether you’ve known your lover for a heartbeat or a lifetime, there is never a wrong time to ask for their status.
I mean, of course, their STI status.
Anyone who is sexually active outside the confines of a long-term monogamous or polyfidelitous relationship should be tested regularly for communicable diseases. The CDC recommends getting tested once every 3-6 months for most common STIs. Even the monogamists should be tested yearly.
It’s estimated that one in every five people in the U.S. will have an STI at some point in their life. Most are easily treatable, but only if you stay knowledgeable about yourself and your partners. No good can come of prudishly avoiding stigma on this! Like consent, Wild Side, sharing test results should be a standard, nonnegotiable part of sexytime foreplay. Anonymity is sexy. A refusal to have candid discussions about safety is not.
If you’re uncomfortable asking, or if you’re uncomfortable getting tested yourself and offering your results to any potential partners, then you might want to reconsider this particular play style. You have a responsibility to each and every person you get wild with, and they have a responsibility to you. Yes, even if you don’t know each other’s names.
You can always ask a long-term partner or friend to engage in a little roleplay to spice things up and mimic the “strangers meeting at a bar” scenario. If both parties are all-in on the charade, it can be fun. And you may find that you’re more comfortable asking and answering those questions with people you know well.
Because, Wild Side, you have to have the conversation. You just do. Even if you don’t exchange names or phone numbers, you need to exchange recent test results.
xoxo, Kiki
This article was originally published in Little Village’s June 2024 issue.